Hey you!  You guys must LOVE a night out on the town in the heavens here at Zeus's Hidden Lair - either that or you're just loving the gossip!  Well, I promised that I would save the best story for last, which of course is about moi, the greatest deified mortal of them all.   Here, sit down and get comfy... I've gotta' get this story started before the rush hour crowd comes in...

I was born in Troas, which is in the northwestern part of Turkey, to my father, Tros of Dardania, with whom I was extremely close, and my mother, Callirhoe.  I was quite the notorious Trojan prince because I was honestly the most handsome mortal on earth. (What can I say?  I cannot tell a lie!)  Well one day, a few of my friends and I were out goofing around atop Mount Ida in Phrygia, taking a break from our chores of cleaning and tending to sheep (which is utterly disgusting and SO below and I am so glad to be done with that...).  The next thing I knew, a gigantic eagle swooped down, picked me up, and flew me to Mount Olympus in the heavens!  This was when I really got to know and experience the true raunchiness that is Zeus (you know, the "god of all gods"...).  He told me things that I am too embarrassed to share with you (but like I said, he can be pretty raunchy), and then I learned that he was married to the meanest goddesses of all, Hera!  Almost all of the gods and goddesses LOVED me, all except Hera, and who can blame her when her husband was out gallivanting with such young hotties as myself!  Because of Zeus's love for me and my ever growing popularity, Zeus appointed me as the cupbearer of the gods, replacing young Hebe who was the cupbearer before me.  Hebe is also considered my female counterpart as the goddess of youth, earning her the name "Ganymeda," as well.

All this time, my father was naturally worried sick!  Zeus knew this because he knows all (insert mental eye roll) and he began to pity my poor father, so he sent Hermes, the messenger of the gods, to tell my father that I was safe and that Zeus had chosen me to be the immortal cupbearer for the gods.  My father was thrilled at my good fortune, but I know he still missed me dearly until his time on earth was up.

As I told you, I saved the best story for last!  As the cupbearer for the gods, my primary responsibility is to keep the gods and goddesses liquored up, which brings me to Zeus's Hidden Lair, where they can come get sloshed every night of the week if they so please!  I am quite proud to say that I have come to symbolize the beautifully perfect youth (not to brag).  The only thing I am bitter about is the fact that I have also come to symbolize homosexual love!  Now you and I both know that I do not like to divulge my bedroom secrets, so I don't know why people choose to assume my homosexuality!  Oh well though, at least I have eternal youth!  Not many people can say that!  Oh look, here comes Hera... this should be fun.  She already looks like she's drunk, so I'm sure you'll see quite a show!




Author's Note:  There were two variations on the original story.  In the beginning when Ganymede was on Mount Ida with his friends, it is argued whether he was in exile as many heroes are when they are young or if he was tending to chores with his friends, which is the version of the story I told.  It is also arguable whether Zeus sent an eagle to fetch Ganymede or if he transformed into an eagle to fetch Ganymede for himself.  I thought it made more sense for Zeus to transform himself, because we already know that he goes to whatever lengths to get what he wants.  The eagle was also Zeus's special bird.  Also in the original story, it mentioned how Zeus replaced the old cupbearer, Hebe, because she was married to his son, Heracles.  I didn't mention this because I didn't mention her in Heracles's story and I thought it would be too confusing to go in detail about her here.  As usual, the narrator is the ever sarcastic Ganymede, placing himself in the highest light of the gods he talks about. 
In a completely different version of Ganymede's story, the Titan Eos kidnapped Ganymede because she was always seeking male beauty.  In this story I also learned about Ganymede's brother Tithonus.  Tithonus, too, was given immortality, but unlike Ganymede, he aged with time, while Ganymede forever looked young.  I just didn't like this version as well and thought it would be more fun to tell you the version with Zeus in it!

Image Information:
Sculpture of Zeus carrying Ganymede.  Web Source:  Wikipedia.
Sculpture of Ganymede and Zeus, the eagle.  Web Source:  Theoi Greek Mythology.
Picture of a naked Ganymede serving Zeus.  Web Source:  Theoi Greek Mythology.

Sources:
"Ganymede (Mythology."  Web Source:  Wikipedia.

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