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Arnold and the Governor's
Mansion
By: Johanna K. Best
Since the advent of democracy there had been no such candidate as
Arnold Schwarzenegger. He fashioned idols out of bronze, silver,
and gold that paid tribute unto him. But not satisfied with these
tributes, he developed an evil campaign of domination so others would
also pay tribute unto him.
The great success that attended all of Arnold's undertakings produced
an indestructible cyborg. Men no longer trusted in Gray Davis,
but rather in their ability to elect a "better" governor, an attitude
to which the Republican Party tried to convert the citizens of
California. Therefore the people said, "Since the development of
democracy there has been no candidate like Arnold, a might body
builder, and an actor of little renown."
Yet not all of this sufficed Arnold's evil desires. It was not
enough that he turned men away from Gray Davis, but that he did all he
could to obtain their support. He set himself up as a candidate
in the California gubernatorial race, and prepared a media campaign in
imitation to a real political campaign. It was a campaign built
on pre-existing fame, and in this campaign he placed catch phrase upon
catch phrase to build himself the ultimate "political"
commercial. This "political" commercial was the centerpiece of
his campaign. He rested his success upon it and voters came and
paid monetary tributes to support him.
Arnold's campaign reached its climax in the building of a set liken to
the real governor's mansion. His campaign advisors, especially
Rob Lowe who played a political advisor on TV, proposed the building of
the set, and Arnold agreed to it. It was built by three
unsuccessful candidates in a last ditch effort to regain their fame.
The endeavor was a rebellion against political convention. The
first rebel was Gary Coleman, he was confused by the architectural
plans and asked "Wha' cho' talkin' 'bout, Arnold?" The second
rebel was Gallagher, who wanted to use the set to fool the voters with
witty jokes and smashed watermelons. The third rebel was
Angelyne, who, distraught when she realized that a political poll
wasn't something she could wrap her legs around, suggested that the set
contain a strip club so that she could obtain campaign funds for Arnold.
Many days were spent building the extensive set. It was a great
set with great lighting. A light was more precious than any
convincing political statement. Great lighting could make Arnold
look like a candidate, whereas a political statement could backfire,
causing the voters to want to learn more about a non-existent political
stance.
They were intent on accomplishing their purpose to build a set that
would confuse the voters into believing that Arnold was already
governor, and they never slackened in their work. They filmed and
released new commercials using the set and were encouraged when
Arnold's popularity rose in the polls. They exclaimed, "We will
conquer over Gray Davis."
Thereupon Gray Davis turned to the political advisors that surrounded
him, and said, "Let us go to this set and confuse these wanna be
candidates, so that they will not understand each other." He went
to the set and spoke about political issues and legislation. This
information confused Arnold and his associates so much that they were
no longer able to work together on his campaign.
Those who campaigned against Gray Davis were sent back to their lives
of wishing and hoping that one day they would regain the fame they once
had. As for the set, it was used in the new comedic farce
"Recall" based on the California Recall of 2003. The show
launched many new careers, and punished those who had hoped to regain
their lost fame. "Recall" garnered high ratings and forever
reminded people that, since the California Recall of 2003 there has
been no candidate like Arnold, the thing that wouldn't die, in the
nightmare that wouldn't end*.
*Based off of an official tag line from the movie "The
Terminator"
Arnold and the Governor's Mansion © Copyrighted by Johanna K. Best
on 9-11-03.