One day former President Richard Nixon’s ghost was wandering the halls of the White House.  He wished that someone would only see him, because he wanted to scare someone.  Along came a young intern who saw a ghost in a window.  The intern ran to Donald Rumsfeld, told him what he saw, and suggested that he call Ghost Busters.  Donald went to the window and saw that the ghost was Richard Nixon.  He decided not to call Ghost Busters, and thus spared Nixon’s ghost.  For this kindness Nixon offered Donald the choice of a gift.  Donald asked for everything he touched to turn into weapons of mass destruction. 

Donald Rumsfeld left happily, rejoicing in his bane.  He immediately jumped on a plane and flew to Iraq, planning to plant the weapons of mass destruction and save face for President Bush.  When he got there he was shocked and amazed when everything he touched turned into weapons of mass destruction.  He touched a rock and by the power of his gift it turned into a bomb.  He touched a bench and it turned into a shiny missile.  He walked up to a car and when he touched it, it turned into a fighter jet.  He ran his fingers through the sand and it turned into anthrax. 

Donald was amazed at his fortune that he could finally convince the world that President Bush was right when he said that Saddam had weapons of mass destruction.  He went and got some troops to help him plant the weapons in and around Baghdad.  When the troops got there they noticed one flaw in Donald’s plan.  All of the weapons were stamped United States Military.  Donald was shocked; he realized that the United States would be accused of planting evidence.  He tried to run from the piles of weapons, but everything he touched just turned into more weapons. 

Donald fell to his knees proclaiming his distress to Richard Nixon’s ghost.  He confessed his naivety, and begged Nixon to have pity on him and take back this awful gift.  Nixon decided to take back the gift and chastised Donald for his unwise choice.  He told Donald to go to the oil fields and bath in the oil to wash away his sins.

Donald went to the oil fields and did as he was told.  The oil was stained with a silver color when the gift washed from Donald’s body.  His final punishment came when the oil in the well became contaminated, causing millions of dollars to be lost to the United States in oil revenue.   

© Copyrighted by Johanna K. Best on 9-25-03