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The Book of Saddam
By:
Johanna K. Best
Now
Condoleeza Rice was the National Security Advisor and Donald Rumsfeld
was the Secretary of Defense for President Bush. President Bush
spent day and night reading the war reports. One day he went to
the oval office to read his reports but was interrupted when he heard
laughter behind him. He looked behind him and there was his
father Bush Senior.
"Why are you laughing at me father?" asked Bush.
"Because you are reading those worthless reports," answered his
father. "The Book of Saddam will show you many things. If
you read the first page it will tell you where the weapons of mass
destruction are located. If you read the second page, even though
the economy is dead, you will learn how to resurrect it and save the
country from a recession."
The Bush said, "The Book will be mine father. Where do I find it?"
Bush senior replied that:
The Book is in Baghdad buried underneath the Babylon ruins.
Underneath the Babylon ruins is a bunker,
In the bunker you will find an iron box,
In the iron box you will find a wood box,
In the wood box you will find a silver box,
In the silver box you will find a gold box,
And in the gold box you find the Book of Saddam,
The iron box is protected on all sides by Iraqi troops,
And on top of the box there is a statue of Saddam, which no man can
break.
Saddam left these things to guard his book.
After Bush heard this he ran out of his office to tell Condoleeza and
Donald about the Book of Saddam and where to find it. Condoleeza
feared what this mission might do to Bush's chances of re-election, and
asked him not to go. Bush ignored her fears and went immediately
to congress. He told congress everything that his father had told
him and asked congress to approve the mission. Congress approved
the mission and gave Bush the funds and supplies he needed.
When Bush arrived in Baghdad with Donald and Condoleeza, the American
troops came and honored Bush with a celebration. Bush selected
from these troops workers to help him find the Book. He sent them
to the ruins with shovels and a metal detector to find the
bunker. The troops worked for many days searching, and when they
found the bunker they gave the location to Bush.
Bush went over to the bunker and had the door blown open. Sitting
in the bunker was the iron box with the statue of Saddam, and it was
surrounded by the Iraqi troops. Bush seduced the Iraqi troops
away from the box with promises of virgins in the after life.
Bush approached the statue of Saddam and attached a rope connected to a
tank to pull the statue over. The statue fell over and broke, but
immediately came back together on top of the iron box. Bush tried
this many times before he realized that it was not going to work.
He needed to find a clever way to trick the statue. Bush,
realizing that he would never be able to come up with a clever plan,
called General Tommy Franks and asked him what he should do.
General Franks told Bush that he should spread super glue onto the
ground underneath the statue, so that when the statue is pulled over
and breaks it will be stuck to the ground. Bush realized how
great of an idea it was and decided to take credit for the idea.
The troops carried out "Bush's" idea and it worked. Bush went
over to the iron box and he opened it and all the subsequent
boxes. When he opened the last box he found the Book of Saddam.
He opened the Book and read the first page, and immediately he closed
the Book because it revealed that there were no weapons of mass
destruction. He realized that this Book could never get into the
hands of congress.
After spending much time thinking he decided that he should read the
second page and at least learn how to restore the economy. He was
shocked when he read that tax cuts would never work because trickle
down economics is an illusion. Fearing for his chances of
re-election he tried to hide the Book, but then he remembered
Condoleeza's warning and decided to ask her and Donald what they
thought he should do. They both read the Book and realized the
power of its contents could kill Bush's chances for re-election.
They decided that the Book could not be put back because someone else
might find it.
Saddam soon discovered that Bush had stolen his Book. He sat down
and thought about what he could do to get restitution for his
loss. He realized that the most damaging thing he could do was to
destroy Bush's chances for re-election.
While Bush, Condoleeza, and Donald were on a plane flying back to the
United States, they were trying to figure out what to do with the Book
of Saddam. They needed to keep the knowledge in the Book out of
the hands of congress, and away from the American people. They
decided to make a duplicate of the Book, and replace the information
inside. When they got off of the plane they immediately took the
Book to congress, but when they got there they realized that Saddam had
told congress about the real Book, therefore exposing Bush and his
advisors in all of their lies. In doing this Saddam destroyed
Bush's chances of ever being re-elected. Thus Saddam achieved
restitution for the loss of his Book.
(I changed the ending because I didn't like the idea of killing off
government officials. I don't want to be dragged out of class
kicking and screaming by the FBI.)
The Book of Saddam © copyrighted by Johanna K. Best on
9-4-03.