If I'm ever in a music video, I'm wearing a homemade T-shirt with the word "POINTLESS" written in huge block letters across the chest.

And at intervals throughout the song, I'll be sitting on a drum throne behind a nonexistant drum set, airdrumming the simplest rock beat known to man.

With a grimace of sheer rock power plastered on my face.

Hopefully, the film will be of the grainiest stock imaginable, and the videographer will have been suffering from a combination of carpal tunnel syndrome and arthritis for at least five years.

These combinations will, in fact, produce the single finest audio-visual presentation in the history of the medium, therefore netting myself a record number of awards, accolades, and kudos from individuals and organizations worldwide.