Green
Genie
I was really freaking confused so I just yelled out something
about
burgers and, right before my eyes, appears every single kind of yummy
delicious-looking burger I have ever seen in my life, and the genie
disappeared.
(The audience ooohs and ahhhs)
Jerry: Haha, Davie, that's so crazy, I hardly believe it.
Davie: Well, Jerry, it's no lie. You can ask my girl later. I
know a ton of other people who will vouch for me too. So anyway, like I
was saying, I ate my fill of the burgers, and turned the mirror
fragment over again. Lo and behold, out pops the genie. This time I had
bigger plans in mind. I asked for the biggest helluva palace you've
ever seen... and it springs up out of nowhere! Totally sweet. And what
kind of palace is complete without a smokin' hot princess? Shout out to
my girl: Love you! So after that, I was set for quite some time. One
day, this old lady came creeping around, and I thought she looked like
she had been through a rough time, so I hired her on as a servant. A
month or two after the appearance of this lady, I went on a camping
trip with some buds of mine a few forests down. I come back to find my
palace in flames; everything I ever loved was gone, including my wife,
and the magic mirror. The only thing that which left me was my pet cat,
Gary.
(Gasps from the audience)
Jerry: Oh jeez, it was that old woman, wasn't it?
Davie: Yeah, turns out she was working for my wife's father. She was
sent to find her. But I traveled along throughout Turkey for about a
year, looking for my girl and my mirror. Nothing could take me away
from my girl. Finally I found her
father's palace. I snuck in, never letting her father see me,
pretended to be a cook looking for hire, and found my wife. Boy, was
she glad to see me. We eventually devised a plan to get Gary to
sneak into the old woman's living quarters to steal my mirror back.
After about three weeks of us sneaking around, we finally had the
mirror back!
And you know what I did when I got it back? Well, I asked the genie to
make me look like a fearsome warrior and give me an army of thousands.
Then I knocked on my wife's father's palace door, and told I wanted to
go to war, unless he would give me his daughter's hand in marriage. Of
course, he obliged, and along with that, he gave me his palace and
control of the entire city! I made the genie exile the sneaky old woman
forever, and my wife and I now live happily.
Jerry: Wow, Davie! What an incredible story! Now, what if I were to
tell you that the old woman wasn't actually an old woman, but a witch
in disguise?
Davie: God, who cares. As long as I don't ever have to see her again. I
swear if I did... ooooh man. It would not be good.
Jerry: Not good, huh? What if I were to tell you that her name is
Emily, and we have her waiting backstage?
(Audience begins to shout and jeer)
Davie:
What?! Bring that
witch out here! Let me give her a piece of my mind!
Jerry: Well actually, Davie, Emily's got a story of her own to tell
too...
Author's note: This is a greatly
condensed version of the original story. In the original, after his
father's death, the young man is warned never to chop down the tree
that stands on the edge of the forest. He goes to chop it down anyway,
and it runs away from him. He follows it for days and nights, and that
is how he comes across the snake and the elephant fighting. Also, in
the original, when Davie (he is not given a name in the original) asks
for a wife, he is thinking about the daughter of a certain Padishah
(a Padishah is like
a Sultan, or a king), and when that daughter is taken away
from the Padishah, he sends out a search party. When she still cannot
be found, he hires this old woman who promises she can help. The old
woman than finds the Padishah's daughter and befriends her. She
convinces the daughter to procure the magic mirror from Davie, and then
she steals it and returns the daughter to her father. When Davie comes
to find her, she discovers him and sends him back. Davie then befriends
the King (or Padishah) of all the mice (because animals can
talk in these Turkish fairy tales), and the mouse is actually the one
who
steals the mirror back. The stories in Fourty-Four Turkish Fairy Tales
are very long and full of many twists. Unfortunately, I cannot
incorporate all of these into my retellings. This story brings in the
character who is going to tell the next story, about the Magic
Hair
Pins
. In the next story, she is also
the villain. You will see that the
audience does not take kindly to her.
Kunos, Igancz (1913).
Fourty-four
Turkish Fairy Tales. The
Snake-Peri and the Magic Mirror