Sorry that I didn't pick Stacy up from school
Traffic's kinda hard to beat when you're riding a pack mule
Where's the family Buick? Well, I'm sure that I can't say
Why are there tiny footprints all over my face?
Yeah, don't ask, its been that kind of day

You see it all began...
When I drove off the road to save a speckled toad from drowning
It turned into a tiny man, who tackled me and, he took my car keys
His grip was quite strong for a little guy, he sucker-punched me
Then stuck the stem of his pipe in my eye
His buddies all chortled with glee, and then they kicked me
Around and it didn't help that I made fun of Gary Coleman
I woke up so dizzy, and no one believes me, they just look sad and say that I was abducted
Just government testing you say, but to this day
Elementary schools still creep me out

Chorus:
Because gnomes ran away with my car
Not so much as a thank you, I think this time they've gone too far
I tried to tell them it wasn't for sale
But they tied me up with shamrocks, and made me drink their wassail
I woke up much later, away in a manger of strawberry jam
All part of their plan I'm sure, but they're so short that I never even saw it coming
Gnomes maybe cute, magical and smart, or even endangered
But if I had my way, those gnomes would pay

By now you can tell, I've learned my lesson well
I've quite being a good citizen
and as I gallop down the road, its just me now and Old Ben
I know you think you're nice, but take my advice
if you see a speckled toad, don't dive in