Padma ran back up to the attic and
found the bookmark she had placed in the diary.
How Much Pain
Can One Heart
Withstand
I awoke in a cold sweat, trying
to remember why I had passed out. As my thoughts raced and my
mind
processed the last few images I could remember, I opened my eyes to a
room full of Rakshasis looking at me as if I were their dinner. I
recoiled from their scowling eyes and crouched into the corner of the
room. Before I could scream, I noticed that some of the Rakshasis
were quieting themselves, as if someone important, someone they were
afraid of, was coming. This only frightened me more because
instantly I thought if someone had scared these devilish women, then I
was sure to die from the shock of having to meet this person. Not
a moment had passed when I saw a strange shadow being cast on the wall
of the tunnel leading into the room. It confused me because
something about its odd shape didn't look right and then when I
realized why, I let out a quiet gasp because I suddenly remembered my
capture. It was the ten-headed, gruesome monster who had taken me
from my life, my love. Whatever fear I might have had before was
immediately washed away and replaced with pure hatred for the creature
that stood before me.
Padma's eyes seemed to be stuck to the words "ten-headed." Her ancestor must have been exaggerating for literary effect or at the very least was in too much shock from her capture and had simply imagined such a thing. Regardless, Padma was amazed at how quickly Sita's fear had been replaced by anger and chalked it up to an adrenaline rush.
The hideous creature stalked toward me, stopping only inches from my face. As he spoke, I could tell that he was trying to put me at ease, even attempting to charm me, but I would have none of it. He told me that he had heard of my tremendous beauty from his sister,Śurpanakha . As soon as he said her name I remembered my encounter with her in the forest. She had taken a liking to my Rama and had tried to kill me before Lakshmana caught her. My hate for her boiled over as I realized that my capture was all due to her. After that, I more or less kept my mouth shut, knowing that my silence would only irritate him. Weeks passed, and every few days Ravana would come and visit me in the Asoka Grove where I was being held. He would try and sweet-talk me and I would always keep my mouth in a hard line, which angered him greatly. If he wasn't going to kill me, I was sure his Rakshasis were. They seemed as if I was being foolish in turning down Ravana. I was thankful for one Rakshasi named Trijata who didn't look as wild as the others and who spoke softly to me. She always tried to put me at ease by saying that she was sure Rama was on his way to save me. I was beginning to lose my hope when one day a monkey named Hanuman came to visit me in the grove. I refused to believe a word he said until he produced Rama's ring. I felt all the blood rush to my head as I realized that my love hadn't forgotten me. Hanuman promised that Rama would come soon and I pinned all my hopes on that. I knew that with Rama's attempt to retrieve me would come a war between him and Ravana. Chills run up my spine at the thought of him hurt and for a brief moment I wished that Hanuman had never found me so that Rama could have remained safe.
Padma wasn't surprised to read how willing Sita was to keep Rama safe. After everything she had read, she actually expected that kind of reaction from her. And despite past examples of it, Padma couldn't help but be taken aback by Sita's bravery and defiance at Ravana's advances and the Rakshasis' constant provocations. Padma's mind ran wild at the thought of being surrounding by wild women with yellow eyes and a giant green monster with ten heads trying to kiss her! Before her imagination could run away from her, she returned to the diary. She believed Sita's premonition about the upcoming war between her husband and Ravana and so she skipped past those pages absentmindedly because she had never been one for blood and guts.
Padma's eyes seemed to be stuck to the words "ten-headed." Her ancestor must have been exaggerating for literary effect or at the very least was in too much shock from her capture and had simply imagined such a thing. Regardless, Padma was amazed at how quickly Sita's fear had been replaced by anger and chalked it up to an adrenaline rush.
The hideous creature stalked toward me, stopping only inches from my face. As he spoke, I could tell that he was trying to put me at ease, even attempting to charm me, but I would have none of it. He told me that he had heard of my tremendous beauty from his sister,Śurpanakha . As soon as he said her name I remembered my encounter with her in the forest. She had taken a liking to my Rama and had tried to kill me before Lakshmana caught her. My hate for her boiled over as I realized that my capture was all due to her. After that, I more or less kept my mouth shut, knowing that my silence would only irritate him. Weeks passed, and every few days Ravana would come and visit me in the Asoka Grove where I was being held. He would try and sweet-talk me and I would always keep my mouth in a hard line, which angered him greatly. If he wasn't going to kill me, I was sure his Rakshasis were. They seemed as if I was being foolish in turning down Ravana. I was thankful for one Rakshasi named Trijata who didn't look as wild as the others and who spoke softly to me. She always tried to put me at ease by saying that she was sure Rama was on his way to save me. I was beginning to lose my hope when one day a monkey named Hanuman came to visit me in the grove. I refused to believe a word he said until he produced Rama's ring. I felt all the blood rush to my head as I realized that my love hadn't forgotten me. Hanuman promised that Rama would come soon and I pinned all my hopes on that. I knew that with Rama's attempt to retrieve me would come a war between him and Ravana. Chills run up my spine at the thought of him hurt and for a brief moment I wished that Hanuman had never found me so that Rama could have remained safe.
Padma wasn't surprised to read how willing Sita was to keep Rama safe. After everything she had read, she actually expected that kind of reaction from her. And despite past examples of it, Padma couldn't help but be taken aback by Sita's bravery and defiance at Ravana's advances and the Rakshasis' constant provocations. Padma's mind ran wild at the thought of being surrounding by wild women with yellow eyes and a giant green monster with ten heads trying to kiss her! Before her imagination could run away from her, she returned to the diary. She believed Sita's premonition about the upcoming war between her husband and Ravana and so she skipped past those pages absentmindedly because she had never been one for blood and guts.
We had been
back in Ayodaya for little more than a month and despite my happiness,
I began to hear my name whispered throughout the city. Through
word of mouth I found out that everyone believed me to be unfaithful to
my husband during my time with Ravana. I worried very little
about it at first because I knew that my husband trusted me, but even
more than that I was sure that if any of these people has seen Ravana
in person, they would have realized how silly the thought of me with
him was. It wasn't until I could see the lines of anxiety set in
Rama's face that I began to worry. I managed to maintain faith
and hope in my husband until one day he asked Lakshmana to take me for
a
stroll down by the river. I knew before I set foot outside the
palace that I would never return. I couldn't bear to look into
Rama's eyes. When I married him I had told myself that I would
never look away from them, but he was the one breaking my promise for
me. Lakshmana took me to the Ganges, looked me in the eye, and said
"I'm
sorry." I could tell that wanted to say more, but he was too
upset
by his brother's decision, as was I and so we walked away from each
other in silence. If I wouldn't have known what was growing
inside me at that moment, I'm sure I would have crumbled to pieces
right
where I stood, but I felt new life inside me and so I summoned the
strength to continue
living. I lived for my sons now and nothing more.
Padma was in shock at the way things had turned for Sita. She never could have imagined that Rama would choose to believe the gossip of others rather than his wife's word. She would remember this the next time she was faced with a tough decision. Rama, she felt, had taken the easy way out, but at a cost. Padma took the diary downstairs and placed it on her nightstand so she would remember the lessons she had learned from Sita. She only hoped she could live up to be the brave woman that her ancestor had been.
Padma was in shock at the way things had turned for Sita. She never could have imagined that Rama would choose to believe the gossip of others rather than his wife's word. She would remember this the next time she was faced with a tough decision. Rama, she felt, had taken the easy way out, but at a cost. Padma took the diary downstairs and placed it on her nightstand so she would remember the lessons she had learned from Sita. She only hoped she could live up to be the brave woman that her ancestor had been.
~_____________________________________________~
Author's Note:
This story is definitely the longest of the four that I've written and
this is most likely because I had quite a bit of story to tell and I
had to wrap up Sita's life by the end. I had to tell the story
from the time that Sita was captured, to her being reunited, and
finally her being banished by Rama upon their return toAyodaya .
Since my story was already quite long, I decided to cut the battle
between Rama and Ravana and their troops completely from my
story. I also partially did this because I figured that Sita
would not have been a part of most of the action. I'm sure some
readers might disagree with my decision to do this since a large part
of the Ramayana involves the epic battle between these two forces, but
my stories have always focused on Sita and her feelings, not
necessarily
what's going on directly outside of her own "bubble." Some
versions of the Ramayana, like Narayan's , end with Rama and Sita
living happily ever after. I chose to retell my version based off
of Buck's version, because I felt that his ending was more dramatic and
it showed Rama in a very different light. Most people read the
Ramayana and see Rama and the perfect husband and man and find Sita to
be whiny and almost immature in her actions, like with the golden
deer. With my final story, I really wanted to show the Sita I saw
when I read the Ramayana - a woman who was only made stronger by the
many trials forced upon her throughout her life.
Bibliography:
Narayan, R. K. (1972) The Ramayana: A Shortened Modern Prose Version of the Indian Epic.
Buck, William (1976). Ramayana: King Rama's Way.
Narayan, R. K. (1972) The Ramayana: A Shortened Modern Prose Version of the Indian Epic.
Buck, William (1976). Ramayana: King Rama's Way.
Image Information:
Sita repels Ravana. Source: Sita Sings the Blues
Sita is banished. Source: Sita Sings the Blues
Sita with her sons. Source: Columbia University "Indian Routes"
Sita repels Ravana. Source: Sita Sings the Blues
Sita is banished. Source: Sita Sings the Blues
Sita with her sons. Source: Columbia University "Indian Routes"