This
online access to the princess's blog is being sold to members of the
self-help
website to help them cure their sleep issues. The princess's new
blog entries
and her sleep
journal for the previous month are posted on the second day of the
month.
Also, because it is included in the price for membership, do not forget
to view
the princess’s sleep journal for the month of April. (None
of the
princess's sleep suggestions or solutions are supported by medical
research or
guaranteed
to work for everyone.)
April
7th 11:48 P.M.
Location: My bedroom
Could
not sleep a wink so I called my Sleep Coach to come over and help. The idiot was not helpful one bit. We practiced breathing exercises and
relaxation techniques, but I was NOT falling asleep.
He talked me trough the steps needed to enter
into dreamland. I uncomfortably closed
my eyes and waited for sleep to come. He
left when he thought I had dozed off.
April
8th 3:44 A.M.
Location: My bed
Obviously
my Sleep Coaches methods do not work, because I am still AWAKE. That will be the last time I ask for his
help. After hiring a Sleep Coach, Sleep
Doctor and Mattress/Bed-Making Expert, you would think it would make a
difference.
April
8th 11:15 A.M.
Location: Royal Lounge
Tomorrow
I have an appointment with Royal Sleep Therapist. I
am certainly hoping that after last night
he can be helpful. So far my sessions
have not made much difference in my actual sleep ability.
We have tried sorting out my emotional
reasons for insomnia for months. I have
made a lot of emotional breakthroughs, but still cannot sleep.
April
8th 11:23 A.M.
Location: Still in the Royal Lounge
Also,
I was totally freaking out today when the Royal Bed Maker told me the
castle
had run out of fresh mattresses. I would
need to plan a trip to get more. I might
go tomorrow if I have time.
April 9th 10:13 A.M.
Location: Leaving my Sleep Psychiatrist’s office.
I
had gone to see my Sleep Psychiatrist and to stop by the mattress store
when it
started raining. This mattress store was super far away from my
castle,
in an entirely different part of town completely. My usual
mattress store
(which is very close to my castle) had been out of the super-deluxe,
extra-plushy mattress pads I usually buy. I use five new ones
every night
to try to stay comfortable.
April
9th 12:47 P.M.
Location: Mattress Store
So,
after my appointment with the Royal Sleep Therapist to talk about why I
could
not fall asleep, I began the walk across town to have some
super-deluxe,
extra-plushy mattress pads delivered. I
had hoped to find a better mattress pad on this trip to the store, but
after
daintily trying each new pad in the entire store I gave up and ordered
more of
the same.
April 9th 3:01 P.M.
Location:
Under a random castle’s gate.
Suddenly,
just after I left the mattress store, the sky opened up and poured out
rain. This
was no light drizzle. Walking through this storm was like
swimming
standing up. I walked for a long time, trying to find my way back
to the
castle and regretting I had not taken a cab. I was completely
soaked when
I found my castle. As I got closer I realized this was not mine
after all;
however, I was just thankful to find a castle that reminded me of
home.
Hopefully the people would be nice.
April 9th 3:20 P.M.
Location: Inside Prince’s Castle, in a closet full of amazing clothes I can borrow.
A
handsome prince opened the door and I no longer cared that I was
soaked. I flirted coyly with him until his
mother
walked up. His MOTHER! It is so hard to find a good prince
these
days; it seems like they all have issues. What kind of grown man
still
lives with his mother?
April 9th 9:30 P.M.
Location: My guest bedroom at the Prince’s castle.
Even
though she had rudely interrupted our flirting earlier, the queen
quickly won
my heart when she showed me where I would be sleeping. There was
a huge
bed laid out just for me. There must have been twenty mattresses
piled up
on that bed and twenty of the softest mattress pads I had ever seen
(yes, even
softer than my super-deluxe, extra-plushy pads).
April
10th 9:15 A.M.
Location:
Dining Room of Prince’s castle.
As
I climbed the ladder into bed last night, I could not conceal my
excitement. The thought of finally getting a pleasant sleep was
thrilling. I thanked the queen and plopped into bed knowing I
would sleep
well. . . How wrong I was. The bed was the most uncomfortable
thing I had
ever slept on in my life. It felt as if it had a giant stick in
the
middle that kept poking me. When I walked to the breakfast table
this
morning I was black and blue with bruises.
I looked as if I had been in a fight with a championship boxer. I was surprised that the queen seemed happy
to see me in pain; her smile was reaching from ear to ear.
I was not pleased with her reaction and made
that clear by ignoring her (what a mean old bat). When the prince
asked
me how I slept, and I said that I had had a terrible night's sleep, he
immediately got down on one knee and proposed.
I immediately said yes to the prince!
When I asked him why he suddenly wanted to marry me, he
explained
his
love for delicate women. And, since I
was the most delicate and princess-like woman he had ever met, he must
have
me as his
wife. (I am just happy this bad sleep
thing is finally paying off.)
April 13th 11:30 A.M.
Location: My new bedroom in the Prince’s castle
I had one condition before I would marry
him. I told him he had to make me a bed that I could sleep
through
the night on. I know it was a lot to ask, but if he could not fix
my
problems and provide for my needs, then why should I marry him? He quickly gathered his royal advisors and
his mother. They pondered through a list of ideas before his
mother
interrupted them all with her solution. She poked and prodded me
back
towards the bedroom. She had a servant go in first and make
the bed. The
prince later told me
she was removing the pea used to test my sensitivity. The queen had placed a
pea in my bed to see if I was delicate enough to marry her son.
She then
sent me in to try to take a nap. I stared at this woman like she
had gone
mad. I argued with her about never climbing back into this device
of
pain. I finally gave in and climbed up the ladder.
As my head fell onto the plush pillow I was
immediately asleep. I slept for two full days and woke up
refreshed and
ready for the day.
April
14th 6:00 P.M.
Location: Waiting to walk down the aisle and get married to the Prince
I
have not had much time for writing lately because of how much time I
have
been spending taking naps and planning my wedding.
I have discovered that the secret to a
perfect night’s sleep is an amazing bed.
April
16th 10:00 A.M.
Location: In my bed with the Prince.
I have not had a bad night since marrying the
prince and no longer have a need to keep a sleep journal.
It is so great that now all my entries are
the same: “Slept great!”
April
1st Horrible night. Did not sleep at all.
April 2nd Not good.
April 3rd Do not think that can even be called sleep.
April 4th Visited sleep doctor. No help.
April 5th Not one wink of sleep.
April 6th May have dozed for a few minutes, but was unable to
truly
sleep.
April 7th Had sleep coach stay the night. He was annoying
and not
helpful.
April 8th Have run out of mattress pads. Woke bruised and
battered.
April 9th Slept in a strange bed made of twenty mattress
and twenty
mattress pads. Should have been comfortable and was not.
Worst
night of my life. Look as if I have been in a fight.
April 10th Took a nap and fell into deep sleep. . .
April 11th Still asleep. . .
April 12th Still asleep. . .
April 13th Woke up feeling amazing. Wishing I had slept
that well
every night of my life.
April 14th Married the prince. Slept on my bed.
April
15th Slept great!