KILLER BULL
By Rafael Hedrick

“But what about Grandma and Grandpa, Dad?  Surely they couldn’t have been so naïve to fall victim to some food fatality after all this.  What happened to them?” asked Wil.

“Dad, this does not make sense.  No one’s family actually dies like this.  And what about Wil’s question?  What did happen to Grandma and Grandpa?”  Phoebe asked as she looked at Wil and shrugged her shoulders in absolute shock and disbelief.

“I know you kids are hearing a lot of things that seem unbelievable right now.  I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t lived through it, but it’s true.  You Aunt Gracie and Uncle Mikey died tragically because of food.  After their deaths, your Grandparents and I were in terrible shock as well.  Your Grandmother soon desired to have more children, but your Grandparents weren’t getting any younger and had a hard time getting pregnant.  Your Grandmother started doing research and realized the problem.  Mountain Dew was one of our favorite drinks.  The whole family probably went through two or three cases a week.  Your Grandma’s research revealed that Yellow No. 5, the dye in Mountain Dew, was the cause of the problem.

“She took the information to Grandpa, and he said she was crazy.  He didn’t believe her research, which revealed that Yellow No. 5 – I’m embarrassed to say this in front of Phoebe, but you have a right to know the story.  Yellow No. 5 shrinks the, uh, well it, uh, let’s just say the family jewels decrease in value and it lowers the sperm count in men.  That was the reason why they were having a problem having children.  Grandpa refused to believe her and further refused to give up drinking Mountain Dew.

“Grandma took matters in her own hands.  She desperately wanted another child and she sued Grandpa.   The lawsuit made all of the local papers and Grandpa didn’t take it seriously until the Judge ordered that he quit drinking Mountain Dew until such time as they were successful in conceiving a new child.  Grandpa did as he was ordered, but could not give up caffeine altogether.  He began to drink an energy drink called Red Bull.  Everything seemed like it was going to be okay when Grandma became pregnant.  Grandpa was happy and liked Red Bull more than Mountain Dew and continued to drink it.  Grandma gave birth to my little sister, your Aunt Katie. 

“Then, we received horrible news.  Grandpa had gone to the doctor after he developed horrible headaches.  The doctor found a brain tumor.  It was far advanced.  There was nothing at the time in the way of medical science that could help Grandpa.  We were in shock.  The doctor did some tests, asked a hundred questions, and found out the cause of Grandpa’s tumor.  It was Red Bull.  Apparently, the drink Red Bull contains an ingredient known as Glucuronolactone, a dangerous stimulant that has been linked to the formation of brain tumors like the one Grandpa had.  Grandpa died three months after he was diagnosed.  Nothing made Grandma happy after that and then things truly went downhill from there.”