Imprisoned

 
By: Ashley Johnson

Dear diary,

It’s been fourteen days since I last breathed friendly air. It’s been fourteen days since I last smiled a true smile. Fourteen days since I last saw a familiar face…. Fourteen days since I last saw my love.

I think back to that day, the day that everything changed. I know that I can’t blame myself for what happened because I was ignorant about the future. I can’t blame myself for sending both Rama and Lakshama away. I didn’t know then what I know now.

Every night the demon comes to me. Every night I see his spidery, black mustaches and his sunken, hollow eyes stare at me as lf I am nothing more than an object. He sickly whispers to me of my beauty and his lustful thoughts—things he wishes to do to me; words a princess should never hear. Words nobody should ever hear.

When he comes, diary, I put on a facade of courage and contempt. I glare at him as if my eyes could murder him that instant. I continually refuse his advances toward me. Every night he eventually leaves me after his pointless games filled with intimidation, but not without his cruel last words, “You will be mine, Sita.”

Sometimes these words fill me with sorrow and heartache. Sometimes they lead me to miss Rama so much that it hurts.

Most of the time, however, these words leave me furious. What gives this disgusting creature the right to tell me what my fate holds? That is left to the Gods alone. What makes this revolting demon so sure that he will own me? He will not own me, for I am already taken. I belong to Rama just as he belongs to me and nothing can break that bond. Not a thousand words, not a thousand swords.

I must keep my anger suppressed though, diary, if I am to survive in this captivity. I must not let him see that he has gotten the best of me on some days. I must force him into realizing that his actions, his words, his thoughts, they mean nothing to me. I must make him see that I am impenetrable; that although I portray a face of softness and innocence, my soul is anything but.

It’s been only fourteen days. Fourteen days. I can last a thousand more.

Author's Note:
I believe the story I wanted to tell the most through Sita’s diary was an ordinary day during her imprisonment in Lanka. I think both versions of the Ramayana leave any sort of detail out during this time period. Both versions provide some specifics of when Ravana shows her Rama’s fake decapitated head, but never provide an account for an average day, an average encounter. I believe that this time period is most likely a defining point in Sita’s life. I believe that her dreary situation would bring out her true character and personality. I tried to portray her inner strength without letting her become unrealistic. Although Sita proves as very brave and courageous during her captivity, moments of weakness and sorrow still do exist. I hope I have captured this within her diary.