Hours seemed to be going by. The young man, Raj,
appeared to let his
head relax
against the window of the train. But this relaxation was a struggle. If
he
allowed the weight of his head to be pressed fully into the window and
his neck
muscles to go lax, then he would feel the breadth of each bump and hum,
of each
vibration that passed through the train. Thus he moved his head back
towards
the seat. It rested slightly but remained tensed, not being able to
relax but
rather only to be held. This task, though seeming minute, required his
constant
focus. Raj sighed and finally decided to give up any opportunity to
totally
rest and looked over at the old man. He was smiling and pretended to be
looking
past Raj, out onto the passing scenery.
"Having
a hard time resting?" said the elder.
"I wouldn't quite call it resting. It
seems as if I can't fully relax
without having some pain, nor can I be strict and force myself to just
sit
upright without the desire to rest my head. Forget it I guess,"
replied
Raj.
"Though it may seem as just a problem
for your weary neck and body,
what
you speak of is very relevant to the human condition. In many ways it
represents
the necessary balance of Dharma."
"Is that so? How do you figure?"
asked Raj.
"Well, to be honest, it reminds me of
a stage in my life, one referred
to
as the Grihastha or householder stage, when I was young and in love..."
"You see, I spent the first part of my life devoted
to learning and
following the teachings of my guru. I was very strict and demanding of
myself;
such ways nurtured an exacting and disciplined side in me, one that
believed
there was a right way, which could be found in Dharma, and also a wrong
way. About
the time I was your age, I met a most beautiful woman. For her and me,
it was
love at first sight. Soon we were united by marriage and vows of our
fathers
and we promised to be faithfully devoted to each other. Much time
passed, but
rather than weaken, our relationship only grew stronger. But with
anything
worth having, hardship arose. For a period of time we were separated;
she was
forced to reside with another man. The situation was the most
unimaginable. She had been ensnared by the affections of a powerful
man, a village leader for whom she had no prior reasons to suspect.
After all, she had met him during a humanitarian effort through her
work, right here in India. I alone with my brother, vowed to
have her
back and fought bravely for her. But once we were reunited, things were
just
not the
same...I don't know exactly what it was, but I just could not get over
her
having lived with another man. I knew she was chaste, but like those
muscles
in your
neck that long for relaxation, I yearned for absolute certainty of her
loyalty.
And it was here that I misled myself from the path of Dharma. What a
fool I
was, to ask for the absolute when upon reflection one knows full well
that
mortals can only perceive the subjective. Thus, I allowed my insecurity
to
grow, my ears harvested the crops that gossipers sow, and I banished my
wife from our home. It took me many years to realize my error. But in
the
end, after
I begged for her forgiveness, she stood by me once again. I realized,
just as the
window has taught your neck that it cannot fully relax, that one must
always
attempt to balance the things in life. It seems that one can never
fully relax nor completely focus and one can
never
ask for absolute certainty nor understand what is divine. Thus
in this way one must obey Dharma."
Raj leaned back into his seat, his mind
pondering the words of the old man. "How true," he thought, "that
life's most complex problems contain the simplest of solutions."