Marriage


    Hours seemed to be going by. The young man, Raj, appeared to let his head relax against the window of the train. But this relaxation was a struggle. If he allowed the weight of his head to be pressed fully into the window and his neck muscles to go lax, then he would feel the breadth of each bump and hum, of each vibration that passed through the train. Thus he moved his head back towards the seat. It rested slightly but remained tensed, not being able to relax but rather only to be held. This task, though seeming minute, required his constant focus. Raj sighed and finally decided to give up any opportunity to totally rest and looked over at the old man. He was smiling and pretended to be looking past Raj, out onto the passing scenery.

"Having a hard time resting?" said the elder.
"I wouldn't quite call it resting. It seems as if I can't fully relax without having some pain, nor can I be strict and force myself to just sit upright without the desire to rest my head. Forget it I guess," replied Raj.
"Though it may seem as just a problem for your weary neck and body, what you speak of is very relevant to the human condition. In many ways it represents the necessary balance of Dharma."
"Is that so? How do you figure?" asked Raj.
"Well, to be honest, it reminds me of a stage in my life, one referred to as the Grihastha or householder stage, when I was young and in love..."

    "You see, I spent the first part of my life devoted to learning and following the teachings of my guru. I was very strict and demanding of myself; such ways nurtured an exacting and disciplined side in me, one that believed there was a right way, which could be found in Dharma, and also a wrong way. About the time I was your age, I met a most beautiful woman. For her and me, it was love at first sight. Soon we were united by marriage and vows of our fathers and we promised to be faithfully devoted to each other. Much time passed, but rather than weaken, our relationship only grew stronger. But with anything worth having, hardship arose. For a period of time we were separated; she was forced to reside with another man. The situation was the most unimaginable. She had been ensnared by the affections of a powerful man, a village leader for whom she had no prior reasons to suspect. After all, she had met him during a humanitarian effort through her work, right here in India. I alone with my brother, vowed to have her back and fought bravely for her. But once we were reunited, things were just not the same...I don't know exactly what it was, but I just could not get over her having lived with another man. I knew she was chaste, but like those muscles in your neck that long for relaxation, I yearned for absolute certainty of her loyalty. And it was here that I misled myself from the path of Dharma. What a fool I was, to ask for the absolute when upon reflection one knows full well that mortals can only perceive the subjective. Thus, I allowed my insecurity to grow, my ears harvested the crops that gossipers sow, and I banished my wife from our home. It took me many years to realize my error. But in the end, after I begged for her forgiveness, she stood by me once again. I realized, just as the window has taught your neck that it cannot fully relax, that one must always attempt to balance the things in life. It seems that one can never fully relax nor completely focus and one can never ask for absolute certainty nor understand what is divine.
Thus in this way one must obey Dharma."

    Raj leaned back into his seat, his mind pondering the words of the old man. "How true," he thought, "that life's most complex problems contain the simplest of solutions."

Grishatha 1                                Grishatha 2               

Author's Note:

    For my second story about Dharma in crisis, I chose to utilize the basis of Rama and Sita's marriage. In particular, I wrote about the time when Rama was not faithful to his heart and banished Sita because she had lived with Ravana. I purposely left out the larger than life aspects of the story (the gods and demons, etc.) because I felt that they were not necessary to the point that I was trying to make. Thus, I attempted to focus on the ever present fact in life that one can never have it all a certain way. In the beginning, I related this to the young man, Raj, and his attempt to rest his head. For everyone that has ever taken a long ride on a plane or a train (particularly a train) this might ring a bell. Your body feels really tired, yet every time you attempt to lean your head against the window, the vibration or noise disturbs you even more. Thus you have to find a balance (or a really thick pillow) where your head can rest and your body can stay tense enough to not fully absorb the shake of the window. So, I related this same theme through the old man's marriage to his wife. At first, he demanded absolute certainty from her that she had been faithful, and thus since this was impossible, he banished her. However, since he could not stand that either, he eventually had to have trust and faith (a logical common ground) in her rather than any kind of certainty. As relating to Dharma, this message would imply that one must avoid extremes and never be completely one way or the other, but rather accept that life is full of complexity and requires individuals to be constantly adapting and balancing. Though Dharma may be the path of righteousness, this does not necessarily mean that it is a strict and rigid one. Rather, it is a constant attempt at equilibrium.


Back To...

Cover Page
Introduction
First Story: Brahmacharya
Third Story: Vanaprastha
Fourth Story: Sannyasa









Image Source: Grishatha

Image Source: Second Depiction of Grishatha





Bibliography:

Buck, William. Ramayana. Berkeley: University of California Press, 2000.
Narayan, R. K.. The Ramayana: A Shortened Modern Prose Version of the Indian Epic (Penguin Classics). London: Penguin Classics, 2006.








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