Mom. Student. Wife. Doctor?

The difference between people is what makes the world go round. Yet sometimes, at least for me the differences between men and women really drive me crazy. After just a little bit of time in school and having my husband at home with the kids, I am truly realizing how different we are, and how our different managing styles are. For instance, when my husband is cleaning a room, he takes an item and puts it away and then returns to get another item and puts it away. My cleaning style is much more all inclusive, I pick up all the things that are similar in nature, like let's say laundry and take it to the hamper, while I am there if I see something that goes somewhere else, then I take it there on my way back to the original room I am cleaning. This takes much less steps to accomplish the same tasks. Perhaps this is why in one days time, I can accomplish 4x as much as he can without becoming frustrated or exhausted.

I think that the same goes for communication between men and women. As women we speak very vaguely, we don't give specifics and I think that perhaps this is why women and men fail to communicate effectively with each other. Women will make statements like I would like it if you paid more attention to me, or our family, or I would like it if you would do more around here. These kinds of statements seem really clear to us as women. We think that we are really telling the men what we want and when they still fail to it we get extremely frustrated with them. We then feel the need to repeat the same thing that we said the first time over again, as if it were their hearing instead of their lack of understanding causing the problem. We finally really wind up thinking that they just don't care, when all they really want is to specifically know what to do to make us happy. We should maybe say more directly that we would like it if you would hold my hand when we sit to watch TV or I would like it if you could take about 3 hours out of your Saturday afternoon for a family activity like taking the kids to the pool, or I would really appreciate it if you could take over the laundry responsibilities around the house so that I would have a little less of a work load. I think that if we learned more about the differences between men and women that we would have a better understanding as to why our communication with each other is just completely ineffective.

As women, we need to specifically design our statements to give step by step instructions to the man in our lives as to what we want and need from him. I think that without a "to do list" as I call it, we are just banging our heads aimlessly against the same brick wall. So the next time you want to address an issue with your husband, boyfriend, or lover, just be sure to think through exactly what you are needing from them and be sure to specifically lay out for them what you expect. I assure you the results will well exceed any you have gotten so far.

I have begun to notice that I have some severe tendencies toward failure. I don't know but I am starting to believe that I am self sabotaging and I am not really sure why. I know that I want to succeed in life and that I have a lot to offer, but it really does seem as if as soon as someone says something positive to me, I change that action, and even when I think to myself wow you are doing this, or good job or anything to that effect, that action immediately turns around to an opposite action.

For example, as soon as my mother will say to me wow you look good, are you losing weight, I will immediately begin to gain weight. I am not really sure why this is. I can not see it when it is happening, but I can observe it after the fact and acknowledge that I clearly turned the success into failure for absolutely no good reason. My mother will say to me you are so patient with the kids and I will immediately become impatient. I am not really sure if this only works for my mother or if everything everyone says to me takes the same effect. I almost become afraid for her to say anything nice to me, since once she does it is like a voodoo curse. It would kill her to know this, but for some reason I don't want her compliments, and maybe in some sense still like the young teenager fighting for independence, I almost feel as if I am not doing right by myself if I am pleasing her. I want to be my own person, and perhaps because of that I almost try to be defiant in some way.

I am thinking that I really need to figure out the root of this issue, as I can see that it is holding me back in my own life, from attaining the things I really want. I don't see my mother that often, but every compliment causes an opposite reaction from me. I just can't figure out why I would take a compliment and turn it into something negative. It is almost like I am saying to her, you think I am succeeding, well check this out. It is almost spiteful, but worse yet it is self defeating. I always try hard to stay positive, with a good outlook on life. I try to stay focused on my goals and not get easily pulled off track. I know I have an incredible will to succeed and yet somewhere deep inside obviously also lies an incredible will to fail. They are like equal and opposite forces fighting each other inside my body, mind and spirit.

I have been recently trying to do some self confidence meditation exercises and have been listening to positive tapes while I sleep to help program my subconscious. I haven't really seen any effects on this issue to this point, but I will try a few other things before I decide that enough is enough and head to counseling to get these issues resolved.

My daughter love to watch Disney videos and DVDs. I have gotten her a huge collection and she absolutely loves the Sing A Long series. I don't let her watch regular TV first off because I know that too much TV is no good, and quite honestly with the exception of Public Television there is really not much on the tube for a 3year old anyway. I am a little anti television. Not that I don't watch it myself, I do on occasion, but mostly I am too busy for it anyway. I have watched lots of Disney movies though, you know the cartoony ones like Bambi, Cinderella and Snow White. What you must know about little kids, if you don't already is that they love repetition. They want you to read them the same books over and over again until you are no longer actually reading the story anymore, but reciting it from memory. The same goes with the movies. Once she gets hooked on one she will watch it over and over again, until you feel like your eyeballs are literally going to pop out of your head if you hear the words and music one more time. Fortunately, it usually only goes on for about a week or so, then it is on to the next one. I think that perhaps for a young child there is some security in knowing how things will turn out over and over again in the same fashion. I figure it is either that or they are studying it hard to get it all imprinted in their minds before switching to the next thing. In either case, I as a person who hates to see the same movie twice, find this phenomenon quite interesting.

This past week, she has been watching Pinocchio, which quite honestly has always been one of my favorite Disney movies. Well, she comes up to me the other day and says, "Mommy, I want to go to school like Pinocchio!" Now I have already told you that I have considered home schooling her. Well, I said if that is really what you want then we will go out and find a school for you. So the search begins to find a school that meets her needs and my own. I don't want a school that is going to discourage kids from learning. I want a healthy social environment where kids are encouraged. I still would like to home school her, but with my current schedule and being at school all day myself, I just don't have the time, and I am not at home to provide her with the structure she needs. My husband, although wonderful is not able to really provide structure, since his home of origin was always chaotic and haphazard. I want her to be in an environment that will allow her to thrive, and I think that we can probably find her a preschool program that runs a few days a week. This will allow some balance between school and home, and also provide my husband's day with a little bit more structure, to get him organized and out of the house a few days a week. Staying home with the little ones all day leaves him little time to be around grown ups. He says, even when he goes to the park with the kids he is there with all the Moms. Very rarely does he meet a stay at home dad like himself, but that is okay, he fairs okay with the other mommies and I do think that he is starting to get the hang of this staying at home thing.

It seems to me that so many of my fellow classmates have a real affection for travel and it satisfies me to know that young people are going out and seeing the world. I remember when I was a little younger (not that long ago), but in my late teens anyway, and I wanted to see so much of the world. There's an innate hunger that goes hand-in- hand with being young, and an urge to pick up a bit more of life and see what's beyond the front porch.

It's harder with children obviously, and I have no idea when I'll be able to swan, or jet off to other pastures. But I like listening to the thoughts and ideas around me. There is one girl in who is doing the most amazing thing before the semester starts again. She and a friend have booked a trip to South America and are going to try and get round as much of the landscape as possible. They are going to Argentina, to Peru, venturing across the Inca Trail, and ending up in Brazil. I found it encouraging that they were both being so creative with their travel plans. They have everything covered and are really clued up.

They know exactly where they're staying and what beaches are safe and what bars are full of locals and which are too aggressively packed with tourists. They even went and got their travel insurance organised already - all on line with AA Travel Insurance. Actually, I think they did most of their administrative extras online. I'm one of those young people who forget that so much can be done via the internet (says me the blogger).

They both worked really hard to earn the money too, so I guess this trip will be rewarding. I'm just proud of the way my generation can plan, pay for and head off to exotic locations to learn, listen and experience. I was so impressed by their ideas - especially the Brazil stop. I actually went and looked around for different types ofof holidays in Brazil. There's a bird watching trip you can do that I found at Real Adventures. I can't go yet, but who knows...

I asked them how they were going to deal with coming back after such a great trip and they said they were just going to keep talking about it, every day, until their next trip. I said I couldn't wait to hear all about it. I love how the world is still so much an oyster when you're young.

I tend to be a talker, and a lot of times when I go different places, I wind up talking to people, sometimes without even fully realizing that I am doing it. Yesterday, I went to the grocery store with the kids, and when I came out there was a car parked right next to mine, and in it was this nice elderly man with a beard. The weather was really nice, and he was sitting in a silver car with the window fully open and I later discovered that he was sitting and reading a book. When we came out I was pushing the cart, two kids in tow, and he began to comment about the kids. We talked back and forth. He was from NJ and I was from NY, he heard my accent and commented on where I was from. He said that he was seeing a woman from there. Anyway we had a very nice, friendly conversation and through this I found out his name was Bucky. It even said it on his license plates. I enjoyed my conversation with the kind, lighthearted older gentleman, and as usual was running around and didn’t really stop to think.

There were some things about this kind old guy that really didn’t add up. He claimed to be from the area, but when I mentioned a place that he should know well, he didn’t know it. He also made mention of the fact that the place he was living in was not in good shape and that he would need to sell it. Well, as I drove, I really thought about Bucky. He was sitting in an okay car, reading a book, seemingly waiting on someone, but never really mentioned why he was just sitting in the parking lot. Then I also realized that he had several clothing items hanging across the back seat of his car, but one was a cotton tee shirt and actually had stains on it. You don’t hang and item that is made of cotton and stained I thought. He had a few empty coffee cups in the front seat, the cardboard ones like you would get when traveling, yet they were all from the same place. It didn’t really all add up. He seemed nice and clean, his car was in relatively good shape, and he was driving around with personalized license plates, yet somehow as I drove home I couldn’t help but wonder if Bucky was perhaps homeless or at the very least in need of some assistance. I consider myself to be a pretty good judge of people and this man seemed to me to be all there mentally and not really posing a threat. Somehow, though I missed some of the signs that perhaps he was in need of assistance.

I pride myself at being a person who likes to help others, yet the whole way home, and still a day later this chance meeting is haunting me. Who was the older man I met in the parking lot that day? Did I miss an opportunity to help him or was this just a fleeting conversation? I assure you I will be on the lookout for my new friend, and if by chance there is a next meeting, I will try to be more astute about putting the pieces together and asking more questions.