Mom. Student. Wife. Doctor?

I have yet to find a religion that truly suits me. I am not sure why I experience such difficulty in this area, but I think that it is the people and the way that they use the religion that turns me away from it. When I was younger I always believed in God. I never had any doubts that he existed, until my aunt passed away. She was one of my favorite people in the whole world, and when she died I guess I felt as if God had taken too much from me. I still miss her, she was that special. In any case, at that point in time I began questioning in my own mind the existence of God, I guess this went on for about 3 or 4 years, and then I had a revelation that truly changed me. In my search for higher understanding about the world, God and religion, I began watching Billy Graham on TV and the one night, alone in my apartment, listening and trying to understand what he was saying God came to me. No, I am not crazy, and he did not enter in the form of a person or a ghost. He was just there and I could feel his presence as strongly as I have ever felt anything in my whole life. I have never since doubted the presence of God, for me this revelation was enough to insure me that God is a real presence.

I began going to a local Christian church, and was truly going 3 times a week. I went and enjoyed the environment and the sermons and even began listening to Christian music. I thought I had finally found the religion for me. Then one of the pastors of the church got sick, and the parishioners were talking about this, and they were instead of looking to God for strength and the answers they were looking toward the medical community and the doctors. I really thought, something was truly wrong here. How could such a faith based community think that faith in the doctors and in modern medicine was more powerful than that of God? Needless to say, I was disappointed. I went back a few more times, and began to see more inconsistencies. Then one day, I was driving by this particular church and the sign out front said, “God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve”. I could not believe that a church could spout such judgment. I don’t believe that it is our job to judge others, but only God’s as he has a level of understanding about things like this well beyond our comprehension. Why would people less than perfect themselves, begin pointing out the less than perfect ways of others? My personal feeling on this is that they know that they are not perfect, so they wish to distract by pointing out the imperfections in others. Being less than perfect is part of the human experience. Even those who try to achieve Godlike attitudes and perfection will always fall short in some way.

I think that we each are responsible for our own life, and keeping it as Godlike as we can. Living toward the ways of God and trying each day to improve on the day before should be our only focus. All judgment should be left in the hands of God.