Men Are From Mars and Women Are Not!
The difference between people is what makes the world go round. Yet sometimes, at least for me the differences between men and women really drive me crazy. After just a little bit of time in school and having my husband at home with the kids, I am truly realizing how different we are, and how our different managing styles are. For instance, when my husband is cleaning a room, he takes an item and puts it away and then returns to get another item and puts it away. My cleaning style is much more all inclusive, I pick up all the things that are similar in nature, like let's say laundry and take it to the hamper, while I am there if I see something that goes somewhere else, then I take it there on my way back to the original room I am cleaning. This takes much less steps to accomplish the same tasks. Perhaps this is why in one days time, I can accomplish 4x as much as he can without becoming frustrated or exhausted.
I think that the same goes for communication between men and women. As women we speak very vaguely, we don't give specifics and I think that perhaps this is why women and men fail to communicate effectively with each other. Women will make statements like I would like it if you paid more attention to me, or our family, or I would like it if you would do more around here. These kinds of statements seem really clear to us as women. We think that we are really telling the men what we want and when they still fail to it we get extremely frustrated with them. We then feel the need to repeat the same thing that we said the first time over again, as if it were their hearing instead of their lack of understanding causing the problem. We finally really wind up thinking that they just don't care, when all they really want is to specifically know what to do to make us happy. We should maybe say more directly that we would like it if you would hold my hand when we sit to watch TV or I would like it if you could take about 3 hours out of your Saturday afternoon for a family activity like taking the kids to the pool, or I would really appreciate it if you could take over the laundry responsibilities around the house so that I would have a little less of a work load. I think that if we learned more about the differences between men and women that we would have a better understanding as to why our communication with each other is just completely ineffective.
As women, we need to specifically design our statements to give step by step instructions to the man in our lives as to what we want and need from him. I think that without a "to do list" as I call it, we are just banging our heads aimlessly against the same brick wall. So the next time you want to address an issue with your husband, boyfriend, or lover, just be sure to think through exactly what you are needing from them and be sure to specifically lay out for them what you expect. I assure you the results will well exceed any you have gotten so far.
