Rick and Kathy Hilton recently decided that it was time for their
three
kids to move out of their Hollywood Hills mansion. Paris is 27,
Nicky is 25, and Barron is 19...all of them are definitely too old to
still be living with mommy and daddy--even though, who could blame
them?! Paris is arguably the best-known socialite on the planet and yours truly was inspired by her when choosing the perfect nom de plume. I would say her biggest downfall is self-absorption ad nauseum. She is always on her way to the next movie premier, who's who event, birthday bash, or anything else she can come up with to further publicize herself. If she cared what I thought, I could come up with a 101 better ways to waster her time. It's getting a little ridic.
Nicky is slightly less of a media hound than Paris--she's still got her own set of issues though. The rumor in my inner circle is that Nicky is suffering from an eating disorder and she spends all day working out with her $300/hour trainer. This makes me want to purge my own food. Why don't you donate your food allowance to starving kids in Africa, duh!!! Naturally, she denies it.
Barron is the most respectable of the Hilton offspring. He minds his own and seems to have common sense outside of what trend we should be wearing/doing. His only downfall is a DUI last year, but that's stale news and I've moved on to better things. Mr. and Mrs. Hilton frequently comment on how proud they are of Barron. They apparently get a lot of comments about his charming, courteous demeanor. He's a do-gooder, always volunteering and giving back to the community.
The blue-blooded siblings each chose their ideal homes--their parents had little to do with the selection, other than shelling out money. This is where things get interesting...I love a juicy opportunity to expose celebs, but things went a bit far this time. Even I have some boundaries. Of course the paparazzi has been having a hey day with the moves.
Paris, being the spotlight-loving girl that she is, chose to live in a bungalow constructed mainly of windows on the shores of Malibu. She loved the home and being photographed in a bikini was right up her alley. But the home lacked one important thing--a security gate. Paris wouldn't want to obstruct her view of ocean...how un-cool!
Recently she was out taking a swim in the ocean and had left her Blackberry lying on top of her beach bag. STUPID! The paparazzi was lurking around, including the most inhumane one of all--Chris Matingly, aka "The Skeez". The man has made a fortune selling pics of celebs in their most private moments. He never holds back...and I mean never!
The Skeez saw Paris's phone lying there, exposed for the whole world to see. Like a sly fox, The Skeez crept up to her spot and swiped the phone. I'm sure he was thinking he was some kind of superstar who would be forever credited with unveiling "The Real Paris Hilton" after reading all her texts and e-mails. I can't say I wouldn't like to know what was in her phone, but seriously, WTF?
Once Paris realized it was gone, she immediately knew what had happened to it, and FREAKED OUT!! You would've though her first-born child had been kidnapped. The drama didn't stop there, The Skeez had a bigger plan...
Meanwhile, across town in Beverly
Hills, Nicky was adoring her new home
that had a state-of-the art fitness room where she could "feed" her
addiction (haha, no pun intended). It did have a security
apparatus, but
only in the front. The idea being no one had the nerve to come
around back. Wrong.The Skeez, on a mission to utterly destroy the Hiltons' public image, was creeping around back near the garage. He had spotted Nicky pulling into the garage moments before and noticed that she did not carry in her purse. Bingo. He slithered into her garage like a venomous snake, opened her car door, and voilá! her iPhone was sitting in the cup holder. Two down, one to go.
The youngest of the three, Barron, had been much wiser in choosing his new home. It is located in Bel-Aire, and literally, I don't think a SWAT team could figure out how to get in. Unlike his older sisters, he loves his privacy.
When The Skeez pulled up to Barron's gate, he pushed the intercom button and in a few seconds, Barron himself was on the other end. Apparently, The Skeez was a complete a-hole when Barron refused to let him in. The convo got so heated that The Skeez blurted out that it didn't matter if he couldn't talk to Barron because he was going to do so much damage to the Hiltons just with Paris' and Nicky's cell phones. Oopsy.
Next thing, The Skeez was pulling into the offices of People magazine to try and get some cash for finding the phones, and Barron assumed that was probably where he would be headed. The Skeez wasn't about to get away with this.
Barron had already phoned a security officer in the People building to inform him of the situation. He offered a $200,000 reward
to the
officer if he could recover the stolen phones.The Skeez was arrested and the girls were reunited with their beloved phones. This incident was such a scare that they moved in with Barron and promptly sold their homes. I'm happy to report that Paris has been much more low-key, only attending the most important events and Nicky has sought treatment for her eating disorder. After all, their idiosyncrasies mislead them in choosing their homes which nearly caused the demise of their public images.
Author's Note: This story is based on Andrew Lang's version of "The Three Pigs." Overall, this story follows the frame of the original story, but I totally changed the characters and the context. Because the frame tale of this storybook is Perezhilton.com, it was necessary for the characters to be celebrities. Paris is "Browny," Nicky is "Whitey,"and Barron is "Blacky." Just like Lang's version, I gave each character a personal flaw that eventually gets them in trouble. The Skeez is the antagonist, instead of a fox, which fits the context because the Hiltons are a popular subject for the paparazzi. In the end, it's Barron( Blacky), who prevails because he does not compromise long-term safety for short-term pleasure. In the original story, the pigs are kidnapped by the fox and taken to his den to be eaten. I thought it would be fun for their cell phones to get stolen because that could potentially extremely damaging! I wanted to be sure that the characters learned their lesson because that is an important part of the original story. The dirty pig (Browny) gave up rolling in the mud and the selfish pig (Whitey) ceased to be greedy. Paris calms down and Nicky seeks treatment for her problem.
Bibliography: "The Three Pigs"from the Green Fairy Book by Andrew Lang (1892).
Image Information: Paris and Nicky via perezhilton.com; Barron via Aisha Music.
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