SITA CHOOSES EXILE

My feet were cold all through the night; my sleep was restless and unsatisfying. I arose from my bed at the crack of dawn. I went outside my palace. I marveled at nature's beauty and said a brief thank you to the gods for giving me long life. Yes, I am old now! My dreams have come true. There is one thing I have prayed for to the gods consistently all through my years and it is to live long. Here I was, basking in the sunlight, under the protection of this huge bamboo tree. For a moment I was silent in my thoughts, simply staring into the sky. All of a sudden, I felt something flutter around me. I was startled but it turned out to only be a squirrel. I called to the squirrel. She heard my voice and turned back, staring intently at me. Perhaps to determine if I meant well. I smiled and beckoned to her to come to me. She came slowly, with a shadow of fear over her tiny face. Once she was near enough, I lifted her unto my lap and stroked her fur. She smiled, more of out of relief for her safety than anything else. The squirrel said, "What is my fair goddess doing up so early in the morning?" I thought about this question for a moment. I realized that the answer to that question was complex to explain. I said to the squirrel, "Would you like to hear the story of my youth?" The squirrel nodded intently and settled in comfortably where she sat, as if to say, "I am all ears."

I consciously re-arranged the memories to tell them in a cohesive order. I spoke the story in my heart so the squirrel could hear my thoughts. This made the story much easier to tell. My heart filled with emotions as I thought of that dreadful day in Ayodha. I began my story:

My married life with Rama my husband had been a dream come true so far. His family was quite fond of me and I lived happily in King Dasaratha's palace. On that fateful afternoon, Rama came into my chambers with his expression as stoic as ever. I sensed there was something terribly wrong. Usually, when my dear Rama sees me, a fire lights up in his eyes and I can feel his passion for me. This time, his eyes were dead and my heart ached for him. He explained King Dasaratha's orders as my world fell flat upon me. He asked me to remain with his mother Queen Kausalya. At this point I made, what I now believe to be, the most important decision of my life. In a matter of seconds, I thought about my pre-marital life and the luxuries I enjoyed. I then compared these luxuries to the love I felt for Rama. Most importantly, I thought of my position as a princess and how influential I could be to make the changes in the world that I hoped for.

The squirrel jerked on my lap and said, "My fair queen! What changes did you hope for? I thought you were entirely fulfilled by being Rama's wife?"

I thought about this question for a bit, then continued.

My dear friend, that is what the stories will make you believe. But do you not think that I existed before "Rama and Sita" and that I have passions and aspirations outside Rama? Do not get me wrong, my life's role is fulfilled by Rama's side. That will be forever true. However, at Rama's side, I have a wealth of challenges to overcome and a wealth of opportunities I have to utilize. The most important challenge was to feed Rama's soul with my comfort and love. Without this support, Rama cannot conquer. This is not because Rama is weak, but simply because we are divinely connected and one cannot do without the other. The second most important challenge which I faced when deciding to go into exile was to set an example for generations of women coming after me. This was an enormous burden to have but I like to think I did a pretty good job. The squirrel winked at me in approval. Anyway, back to our story. Although Rama asked me to stay behind, I knew he needed me but was too proud to ask. Every man needs his wife to support him. I demanded to Rama that I follow him. He smiled at me, his eyes filled with eternal gratitude. Once again, the usual fire in this eyes burned and he kissed me hard on the mouth. My fears turned to faith. I believed we would make it; whether it be 14 years or 1400 years of exile, our love will make us eternal.

The squirrel and I stayed silent for about an hour, taking in the moment. Finally, the squirrel hummed in contentment. She leaped up, licked my face then scurried off into the woods. As I watched her run, I remembered my father. I had told him of my dreams to be free-spirited and to empower women of India. I even told him about my passion for reading and writing philosophical books. He had smiled at me proudly and assured me that I could find a husband who can do write books and I could support him. My heart broke at this moment and as I tried to run away, my father caught me in his arms and comforted me. He said, "My dear Sita, marry a strong and rich prince and serve him all the days of your life. Stand by him no matter what. This will bring you true fulfillment."
As these words resonated in my head today, I felt a chill run down my spine. I wondered for a brief moment if my loyalty to Rama had been a duty or a choice. I like to believe it was a choice. Yes, I know it was a choice! I think......

Image Title: Rama and Sita
Image Source: Srikrishnamandir

Sita and Rama

Author's Note: All through my readings of the Ramayana, I have related to Sita on a personal level. I decided to write this story portraying Sita in her old age. So basically, the reader gets to imagine how Sita's life turned out eventually. I focused on two aspects of her youth: her marriage to Rama and her choice to follow Rama into exile. I tried to emphasize Sita's power and individuality. I also tried to emphasize the fact that the expression of her individuality had been limited due to several forces in her life. Such forces would be her incarnation, her father, her social status and of course the pre-existing traditions of India. My story is set out in the wild, which is typical since Sita spent fourteen years in the forest. I tried to show her compassion and humanity through her conversation with a lower animal, a squirrel. Sita's doubts about her decision to marry Rama and follow him should not be a surprise. It is the norm for every human being. You live and then when you are closer to death, you begin to evaluate your life and wonder what you could do differently. There is the stage through which Sita explores, using her conversation with the squirrel as a clarifying act.

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