The Birthday of Ashley
March 3, 2004... a date that will live in infamy... or maybe regular famy...
or something... To get the true meaning of this life-changing day,
we'll have to march back a few days...
Here we are, driving in the ... wait, no, this is John throwing papers at
me. Let's go forward a few more minutes...
Okay, here we are, driving in the car one day. Ashley was talking on
her phone, yadda yadda yadda, and so on. Meanwhile, there were cars
leaping off of the street all around us, crashing into poles and piling up
four or five high. Anything to get out of the way of a maniac cell-phone
wielding driver. It was a horrible mess of fiery doom! But I
Ashley's birthday would soon be coming, and with it, a party of '80s movie
magnitude. But first, there were cakes to be made!
Cakes date back to the medieval era, when lords would beat up their peasants
and grind up their few grains of food after they stole them. Eventually,
someone found a use for the "flour" left over by the punishment and cakes
were born. Unfortunately, early cakes tasted terrible, resulting in
the name "flour" coming from the words "flourishingly disgusting".
Here's a comparison of a cake with John's foot for reference. John
wears about a size 82, I think.
There were several "uh oh"s while we made the cakes...
I ate two tubes of frosting, which gave me a sugar buzz so fierce that my
molecules began jumping in and out of this dimension. The beings of
the sixth dimension are horrible, incomprehensible creatures, but, man oh
man, was that frosting good...
In our second misadventure, Tyler tried to spin a can of blue-sugar spray
through his fingers like a pencil. It didn't quite work, which was
obvious when the can started exploding, coating the entire kitchen in a film
of tasty blue. At last we got the can contained in a bowl of water,
though it kept blowing out blue spray for a good fifteen minutes. Craziness
to the extreme.
Finally the mission of making cakes was finished. It was a valiant
and daring expedition, and several of our bravest men didn't make it back.
Or maybe they just got bored and left, I don't know.
(This picture brought to you by Tostitos chips... "Now that's a chip!")
While everyone else was busy helping in the kitchen, I was just staring at
my favorite TV show, "The Blank Blue Screen Power Hour of Justice!" Whew,
that crazy blue screen... when will he ever learn? Ha ha, oh, good
Days later, we gathered for Ashley's birthday party, thrown by Ashley, at
Ashley's place of residence. There were cakes and games and Mr. Bean
DVDs and crazy insanity as far as the eye could see.
Here we are gambling with our life savings.
There were some people there with digital cameras, snapping pictures of random
things. Man, what a bunch of losers. Ha, I bet they were nerdy
enough to make a website about it later. Yeesh, guys, get a life!
Tyler was shocked into a state of... well, a state of shock, I guess... by
the sheer excitement of the party. He stared unblinkingly for a good
six or seven hours. When he finally woke up, he said he didn't remember
much, except that tiny dragons with butterfly wings were throwing acorns
at him. He also didn't remember that we stole his pants, much to his
Whew, what a shindig! It must've been terribly exhausting, or so Ashley
and Vicky thought. Awww, so sleepy. Moments later we dumped a bunch
of ice water on 'em, so it was okay.
Thus was the insanity of the birthday party called Ashley's. Only one
year till the next one!
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