"So there I was," Rama started, "in the forest with my beautiful wife Sita and my brother Lakshmana when all of a sudden the most beautiful and curious creature I had ever seen approached us."
"Was it the golden deer?" I asked, remembering that he had mentioned something like that earlier.
"Not just golden," he replied, "but covered from head to tail with beautiful jewels and emeralds and all things beautiful."
"What is this? Candyland?" I thought to myself.
"He approached us not like any other deer I had ever seen. He was completely unafraid of my huge bow, but I could not figure out why. Sita, of course, begged me to capture the animal for her to keep. Naturally, I had no choice. I felt as if something a little fishy might be going on, but my first instincts were to capture and kill the animal for my wife. I would have sent Lakshmana to do it, but he is not as fast as me and not even close to as accurate with a bow. So off I went running as fast as I could for the golden deer. I assumed that my brother would be able to protect Sita if something was going on so I had no second thoughts about leaving."
I knew Rama was drunk enough that he would not notice me taping the coversation on my phone, so I just took it out and sat it on the table so I could get a more clear recording. This guy had to be wasted. He was slurring some of his words and he called his brother "Lakshmana," or "Klakshmana" or something like that. I figured I would probably never know what his real name was.
"I chased that deer a good ten miles before I finally shot and killed him. That's when the weird things started happening."
"This isn't the weird thing?" I said accidently, perhaps a little too loud. I could tell Rama was getting upset as he continued the story. He was actually starting to drink faster and faster as he told it, demanding quicker and quicker refills.
"When the deer was dying, he called out for my brother using my voice!" I was shocked, even though I had heard of things such as this happening before. In a hurry, I left the dying deer there and rushed back to find my brother and Sita. I was hoping that my brother just stayed put to protect her, but as I soon found out, he didn't. He met me half way, saying Sita had made him come find me, thinking I was hurt. Together, we both rushed back to find Sita, but she was gone."
"Bummer," I said, sounding sympathetic.
"When we found that deer again it was, indeed, that Rakshasa Maricha. That SOB had played me like a fool."
"So I am guessing you did find her thought, didn't you?"
"About a year and five thousand miles later, but it was worth the trip," Rama said.
Not only was I amazed at the story itself, but I was amazed that a blue-skinned guy with a blood-alcohol content that high could actually tell it.
"It's going to be hard for you to top that story," I said to Rama, "but go ahead and hit me with number three."
This is a golden deer covered in jewels much like the one from the story.
Actually, this is a gold covered rubber statue available from China.
Author's Note: I mostly based the retelling on Buck's version of the encounter with Maricha. The biggest difference was how I treated the deer at first. I said that it was Rama who thought something fishy was going on when it was Lakshmana. I also had Rama say that he chased the deer because he didn't think his brother could do it anyways. If it was really in a bar, that's the way the message would have come out anyways. I totally made Lakshama seem like a little brother and not like the warrior he really is in the story. The description of the deer is mostly accurate. I said that Sita was begging for it and I tried to make her sound like she was nagging, which I guess is not that far from the truth. I added the dialouge between myself and Rama to be more like a normal conversation. I used language that I think I probably would have actually used. I also added parts about Rama getting completely drunk, although he will get back on track during the next story.
Bibliography: Buck, William (1976). Ramayana: King Rama's Way
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