The King Who Wanted a
Beautiful Wife
"Well,
this is the quietest I have ever heard this salon.." she said as she
came through the door.
"It
was just so sad... she did it to herself you know... all that surgery
isn't good for a person!" echoed a voice from the shampoo chairs.
"I
know. It was a sad, sad funeral! Maybe it's too soon, but.. I was
sitting next to her cousin at the funeral, and I got the whole scoop."
"Too
soon? What do you mean, too soon? Breaking news is what we all really
want to hear!"
"Ok. Well, the cousin said that the
two sisters had been living together for their entire lives because
they thought they were too ugly to go outside! And they were so
obsessed with perfection that they both spent their entire life tucked
away inside the house!"
"Hermits?
Are we talking about hermits, here?" called the crotchety old lady
coming through the door.
"No,
we are getting the scoop on the queen's sister! Take a seat, you know I
can't hold your appointment all day," said the stylist in the back.
"Anyways,
where was I? Oh, so they spent their entire lives inside. So, that cad
of a man we call our "King" was also obsessed with perfection, and
looking for the most beautiful woman in the world to make his bride. He
had seen and rejected the most beautiful women from each country..
don't you remember that girl from Sweden?"
"Who
was looking at her hair? Did you see her body? It would take me years
in the gym to get that!"
"Girls,
we are getting off track here. So, the king finally got tired of
looking for a bride himself, and he sent out his assistants to search
for 'the
one'. So the cousin told me that she heard the sisters were just
sitting at home one day, staring at themselves in the mirror, when they
heard a knock on the door. They usually don't even answer the door, but
the knock was so persistent that the youngest sister barely cracked the
door to see who it was. And it was the king's assistant! He had been
out all day and wanted a glass of water... so she got filled a glass
from the kitchen and handed it to him through the crack in the
door. He was so taken aback by her beautiful skin - you know she
had never been in the sun, so it was virtually wrinkle free - anyways,
he was so
impressed by her hand that he assumed the rest of her was beautiful
too. The cousin told me that he immediately asked her to go and see the
king who was looking for a beautiful bride to be his queen! Well, she
knew she wasn't a beautiful bride! She was eighty years old!"
"NO!
Eighty? There is no way that woman is eighty. She barely looks thirty!"
"Hush,
I'm not there yet... So, the cousin said she had always been crafty,
and she told the assistant that she couldn't be in the sun so if the
king wanted to see her he would have to send a blacked out limo to pick
her up. And wouldn't you know it, he did! She didn't think he would
fall for it, but he was so impressed by the assistant's description of
her beautiful hand that he had to take the chance. She had to think
fast again.. she didn't want to be found out as an old hag! So she
covered herself in silks and told everyone she was allergic to
sunlight. I guess the king fell for it, because he married her without
ever seeing her face!"
"Are
you serious? I think you've been had.. this story is ridiculous."
"Yeah,
there is no way that woman is eighty."
"I
said to stick with me. It is just about to get to the good part! So,
after the marriage the king absolutely insisted upon ... you know ...."
"We
know."
"Being
the lady that I am, I'd rather gloss over that part. Anyways, when he
saw her face and realized that he married an ugly old woman, he threw
her out of the window!"
"No!
I've heard of 'mantrums' before, but throwing her
out of a window!"
"I
knew it.. it's not the same queen is it?
"Listen
up! Her layers and layers of silk actually saved her life! They got all
caught up on the rafters, and she was just hanging from the top of a
tall tower. So the cousin told me that the queen told her that while
she was hanging there three fairies came by and when she told them
about her problem they decided to help her! She said they granted her
wish to be the most beautiful woman in all of the world.. suddenly she
became a young, beautiful woman with a body and set of hair to rival
that Swede the king turned down! Well, when he saw her he immediately
begged her to take him back."
"No!
What a typical man! Throws a woman out of a window and expects her to
take him back.."
"I
know.. men! But she did! And they decided to throw a huge party to
celebrate their wedding - and her beauty. So when the sister showed up
at the party, the king absolutely freaked out! He said she was the
ugliest woman he had ever seen, and would never be as beautiful as her
sister. She ran out of the castle determined to outdo her sister's
perfection. The next morning she went to the plastic surgeon and signed
herself up for every procedure he offered! He tried to warn her of the
risks, but he was so taken by the idea of becoming the surgeon who made
the queen's sister more beautiful than the queen that he agreed to do
it! And wouldn't you know, she died right there on the table. Now he is
facing a huge malpractice suit..."
Author's Note: This particular
story was the shortest of the Italian Fairy Tales I will be focusing
on, but it was so ripe for expansion that I had a really hard time
fitting my story into the allotted number of words! One of the biggest
issues I had while writing this story was trying to modernize it enough
to fit in with the other stories. In the original, the king sends out a
servant, which I switched to an assistant. It was also tricky to think
of a modern way to make their wedding without ever seeing each other
plausible.. things like that don't happen much these days - except for
mail order brides, maybe? I also changed a little bit of the party that
the king throws and the 'surgery'. In the original, when the old sister
comes to the party, the new queen refuses to admit that it is her
sister and dismisses her as a 'half-witted neighbor.' And instead of
seeing a plastic surgeon, she actually goes to a butcher and insists he
cut her skin off until she is as beautiful as her sister.. which was a
little too gruesome for the salon. Other than that, it's pretty close
to the original! I hope you enjoyed reading about the perils of plastic
surgery, read the original here!
