Gizos & Behanem
This is Cindy Celestial recording this week's therapy session for
married couples. The second session of the week is with Gizos
and his wife, Behanem.
They have been married for quite some time but feel their marriage is
forced rather than genuine. Both feel that these sessions may
sort out
their differences and save their relationship. It was interesting
to learn in a previous session that Gizos means both "moon" and "sun"
in the Abenaki language. Behanem is a word from the same language
meaning "woman."
Behanem: Hello, Cindy. How are you?
Cindy: Great, Behanem.
Where is Gizos?
Behanem:
Oh, he's on his way. He's always complaining about how I smother
him
or that I don't give him enough space. So, I thought I'd let him
meet
me here instead of riding together.
Cindy: Okay. Well, I'd like to get
started, but
the point of these sessions is to let both of you vent to EACH
other.
Behanem: I understand.
Gizos:
(walking into the room) Sorry I'm late. I overslept. And my
wife didn't remind me until ten minutes before I was supposed to be
here.
Cindy: That's fine. Please, have a
seat. I'd like to start with confronting the issue Behanem
has already expressed. Why do you feel smothered?
Gizos: What did she tell you? Never
mind.
Well, Cindy, you have to understand that we've been married for
awhile. Yes, marriage is a promise to be together forever, but I
didn't
think that meant we're supposed to be joined at the hip! Wherever
I
turn, she's right there behind me, beside me, turning the corner.
Sometimes I just want some alone time. I can't even remember the
last time I had a nice quiet night. She always feels inclined to
fill every silence with her croaking voice. I mean, I just want
to be able to wake up when I want and not have to hear that annoying
thing she does with her throat. I can't even talk to
her
sometimes. I feel like what I say just goes in one ear and out
the
other. I tell her one thing and she does the complete opposite!
Behanem: You're overreacting, Gizos. I
don't do that ALL the time. Besides you sleep too much and if it
weren't for me I'm sure you would have been fired from you job a
long time ago!
Cindy: Behanem,
let him finish.
Gizos:
See what I mean, Cindy? In one ear and out the other! She
drags me to
this couples session because she thinks I have the problem
communicating. I communicate just fine! She's the one that
doesn't
LISTEN. I tell her how I feel or what I want but in the end that
doesn't matter. This one time a couple of years back I was having
legal problems pertaining to my job. Anyway, the trial was set to
determine whether or not I was "fit" to keep my duties. I
specifically told her not to be there. Imagine my surprise and
anger when I saw her mosey into the courtroom, disrupt the entire
proceedings, and smirk as if to say, "Ha, I came anyway." The
judge stopped everything just to make sure she had the hottest seat in
the room. I was furious! The ruling was in my favor but
because little miss had-to-be-there I was demoted to night duty.
I loved my job because it gave me a sense of importance and everyone
looked up to me. Now, I've been stuck on night shift while
everyone is asleep. If she had listened to me this would have
never happened!
Cindy: Okay, Behanem,
your turn. How does that make you feel, Behanem?
Behanem:
I don't know why he's so upset. I was just trying to be a good
wife and show my support for him. Gizos was the one who suggested
I sit on him. I could feel the heat of his anger when I sat down
but it was too late to turn back. I was stuck. He wants to
talk
about
our relationship problems, then what about all the other women you were
with while we were dating? (eyes filling with tears) That's
why I want to be with you all the time,
so
your mind doesn't wander like it did in the past.
Cindy: Is that true, Gizos?
Gizos: Yes. That was before we were married.
Cindy: Has there been anyone else since?
Behanem: I don't know.
Gizos: No, but I can't say I haven't thought of it.
Cindy: Why do you say that?
Gizos: Well, lately I just feel stuck in this
relationship. I love Behanem,
but I'm not in love. I haven't been for awhile. And it
doesn't help that I blame her for how unhappy I am about my job.
Cindy: Does that come as a shock to you, Behanem?
Behanem:
I suppose I've known for awhile. I thought maybe we weren't
spending enough time
together.
Then I thought when he would tell me what he wanted or how he felt that
he meant the opposite. Once he told me he didn't want me to be at
some
important event he was having, but I went anyway. I thought he
thought
I wouldn't like it. We have been arguing a lot lately.
Nothing seems
to be going right anymore.
Cindy: It's obvious to me that Behanem
has lost trust in you, Gizos,
and that stems from before you were married. Compromise and
complete
communication is missing as well. But the main problem I see is
the
love. If the love is gone, from either one of you, then this
marriage
is, too. I sense that you both realize this, but I am willing to
work
with you if you feel this marriage can be saved.
Author's Note:
The
original story is about the Sun who never rose or set on a particular
schedule. The people grew angry with the Sun's irregular hours
and
carelessness in his work, so they protested to Glooskap.
Glooskap
decided, to be fair, that he would hold a trial where the people could
charge the Sun with neglecting his duties. The Sun had many
wives, one
of them being the Frog. Frog was not the prettiest of his wives
and
she had a tendency to stick her nose into matters that didn't regard
her. Frog wanted to attend the trial, but the Sun ordered her not
to.
Against the Sun's wishes, Frog attended and because there were no seats
left she had to sit on the Sun's eyelid. The trial ended in favor
of
the Sun, but the Frog was unable to be removed from the Sun's
eyelid.
She was stuck! The people and Glooskap
decided at that point to make the Sun switch duties with the Moon since
the Sun was now deformed and had a spot on it's surface - his wife,
Frog.
In my story, I focused on the relationship of the Moon and the
Frog. I gave them Abenaki names
meaning "moon" and "woman" because Glooskap
is a figure in the Abenaki
tribe. I thought it was interesting and fitting that the word for
sun and moon in the Abenaki
language are the same. The relationship between the moon and the
frog
in the story was very negative so I decided to elaborate on their
issues. Behanem
does not listen to Gizos
just like the Frog didn't listen to the Sun. To illustrate this
problem I included the court hearing in which Behanem did not heed
Gizos words when he told her not to come. I also used the
other
wives from the original story as a problem, but decided to turn it into
a trust issue by saying Gizos had been
dating numerous women while he was dating Behanem.
I also tried to include words that would hint at the celestial-ness of
the characters, like "burning" and "croaking."
This story focuses on communication, but more on the aspect of
listening. It also sheds light on pre-marital
issues - actions or events that one may still hold against another -
and trust within a relationship. Compromise is also a recurring
theme.
Sources:
Canadian Wonder Tales
(1917)
Cyrus Macmillan
The
Moon and His Frog-Wife
Native Languages of the Americas: Abenaki-Penobscot
