This is Cindy Celestial recording this week's therapy session for
married couples. The third couple for this week is Ojawashkwa and Ozawa.
Both have Algonquin names meaning blue and yellow, respectively.
They
have been together for five years and both have unbelievably good
memories! This may seem like a good quality to have but not when
it
comes to the rough patches or speed bumps they have gone through within
those five years. One event in particular has caused tension in the
marriage. They hope the couples sessions will help them move past
that.
Cindy: Good afternoon.
Ojawashkwa
and Ozawa: Good
afternoon.
Cindy: In the past sessions we have discussed
some of the issues
you two have with one another. There is, however, one event that
both
of you seem to keep bringing up. I'd like to start today's
session
with getting both sides of the story regarding this incident. I
find that
hearing
another person's view of the same event will help the other understand
why that person acted the way they did. Ozawa, I'd like
for you to go first.
Ozawa:
Well, Cindy, we didn't always have the best of memories, nor did we
always exude these colors for which we are named. We have been
together, side by side in the sky, he blue and I yellow. Together
our
auras make the green that shines in the North above our people.
We are
the perfect match! But there was a time when Ojawashkwa forgot me and our
marriage. It was long ago, before our auras shone so
bright. Ojawashkwa
had won my hand in marriage after he had killed the Giant who held my
brother and me captive. (smiles at her husband) He had always
been
so
strong. Anyway, we were married and he wanted to return home to
see
his family. I was hurt when he didn't ask me to come with
him. I
wanted to meet his family, especially his mother, because he had told
me
that he never knew his father. I didn't object to his journey but
I
told him to be wary of a dog that would lick his wrist - and that would
make him forget
our marriage. I waited half anxious and furious for his
return. When
he didn't return, my anger was replaced by worry. I knew he had
forgotten. So my worry turned to pain because he had not listened
to my
warning, but even worse he had forgotten! (turns to her husband with
tears in her eyes)
Cindy: Okay. Now, Ojawashkwa.
Ojawashkwa:
(reaches for wife's hand, and their combined colors make a glowing
green) I have never
loved another more than I love my beautiful Ozawa.
It is true what she said about my wanting to return home. I did
not
ask
her to accompany me to my village, not because I did not want her to
meet my family, but because I knew my mother would be angry that she
had not attended our wedding. We got married so fast. I do
not regret
that one bit, for the second our eyes met I knew we would be together
forever. I just didn't know how my mother would take it.
She would
see it as Ozawa replacing
her role in my life. You see, like Ozawa said, my
mother was the only person in my life for a majority of my life.
In a sense, I am and will always be a momma's
boy. I didn't want my mother's reaction to hurt Ozawa,
so I refrained from asking her to come along. When I left, she
was all I thought about, then Bam! This black dog came
out of nowhere and there was no
recollection of me ever getting married! I could only feel the
slobber of the dogs saliva on my wrist. Then, as love as strong
as ours would have it, Ozawa
found me and sang her angelic song to bring all those memories rushing
back to me, even the brief period that she was not in my
thoughts. I
felt horrible! But I have not forgotten her since.
Cindy: Why do you think this event in your
relationship keeps emerging during arguments?
Ozawa: It
sounds childish, but he has never apologized for not listening to me
when I warned him about the dog.
Ojawashkwa:
(kneels before his wife and takes both her hands) I am sorry, Ozawa.
I did not see the dog. It all happened so fast. I could
never forget
such a glowing face as yours. You and I will always be the
perfect
match. And
now that we live in the Northern sky, everyone knows it, too.
Only the
evil magic of the dog could erase you from my memory, nothing
else.
Cindy: (wondering if a simple apology fixes
the problem) Is there anything else?
Ojawashkwa:
Not that I can think of.
Ozawa:
That was all I wanted. Well, all I needed. I wanted him to
realize
that his carelessness really hurt me. Now that I've heard his
apology
and what really happened, I feel silly.
Cindy: I must
admit, I was expecting a long discussion of this event. I am
glad,
however, that this was it. All I can say is that next time, like
we
discussed before, both of you need to communicate. You may have
great
memories, but that may not be the entire story. You only remember
your
version of the story. Both of you need to talk to each other to
get
each other's perspective. Once you've talked about it, just
forget
it. Move on. What's done is done and all you can do is
remember to
not do it again. Also, it never hurts to apologize. Just
hearing "I'm
sorry" can help end an argument, as we've seen today.
Author's Note:
The
beginning of the original story focuses primarily on the adventures of
Strong Boy and his journey to find others who have similar muscular
strengths as he does. The part of the story that I was most
interested
in was when Strong Boy marries a fairy. Strong Boy decides to
return home, but
not
before his wife warns him to stay away from a black dog. If the
dog
licks his hand, Strong Boy will forget about his fairy wife. The
fairy
realizes that the dog has caused her husband to forget because he does
not return. She finds his village and sings a beautiful tune that
brings back Strong Boy's memory. To prevent them from
forgetting again, the married couple decides to go where memory
is everlasting; they go to live in the sky and become the Northern
Lights.
I decided to focus the problems between Ojawashkwa and Ozawa on the fact
that Ojawashkwa forgot
about Ozawa.
Forgetfulness is common, I think, in couples who have been married for
quite some time. Dates and events begin to mesh together so that
people
forget birthdays or anniversaries. Also, couples bring
up
events of the past that has caused pain or sadness. To
make
this relevant to the original, I decided that Ozawa
should still have reservations about the time her husband forgot about
her. This problem ties forgetfulness, past events, and
communication
issues together.
Like
the previous couples, communication, or lack thereof, is the source of
many problems. We have also seen that if couples do not talk or
work
out their problems with their past, they are more likely to come up
again in arguments. The newest relationship problems introduced
in
this story is forgetfulness and apologizing.
